The Fine Line Between Moving Up and Staying 'Stuck'
A week ago, a girl in my class got accepted to Cambridge University. That kick started a whole inner conversation I had with myself about the future. It's something that's never really left my mind- this year especially, and rightfully so.
Getting accepted to Cambridge is a huge deal. Not only because it is one of the leading universities in the world, but also because it means a huge change. Moving away, living alone, starting anew. It's a fresh start for her, something- knowing her- she's been craving for. I believe, now more than ever, that that's what university is about. It's about not only turning a page, but starting a completely different book. And that made me think about myself. The only places I have applied to are right here in Lebanon. I'll most probably be going to the American University of Beirut to study Media and Communication. So the real change I'll be facing next year is having courses in English and driving to school. I know I am trivializing it and there are gonna be more changes than this, but it still feels somewhat... easy. Like I cheated and took the easy road. I'll live with my parents, who will make my bed when I leave and cook my lunch when I come home. I will hang out with my high school friends who are either at the same university or in a nearby one. It'll be legal for me to go to bars I'm already going to and drink things who's taste I'm accustomed to. There is no big shock, no disorientation. There will just be me, living as a teenager in the body of an adult.
Obviously going to university is a big move up, but is my decision to stay a hole I've inadvertently dug for myself?
I know that AUB is a great university and I am confident that what I'm majoring in is perfect for me, but when I close my eyes and try to think of where I'll be in a year, I can only see myself walking the streets of Paris trying to catch a bus to go to the Sorbonne or taking the tube in London to get to Goldsmith. This drop-of-the-heart, "this is a huge mistake take me back " feeling when you've just moved in and you miss your parents like you would miss a limb. I want that. I want to grow from that. That might seem completely twisted but I genuinely think this is the only way I'll be able to fully embrace adulthood.
Getting accepted to Cambridge is a huge deal. Not only because it is one of the leading universities in the world, but also because it means a huge change. Moving away, living alone, starting anew. It's a fresh start for her, something- knowing her- she's been craving for. I believe, now more than ever, that that's what university is about. It's about not only turning a page, but starting a completely different book. And that made me think about myself. The only places I have applied to are right here in Lebanon. I'll most probably be going to the American University of Beirut to study Media and Communication. So the real change I'll be facing next year is having courses in English and driving to school. I know I am trivializing it and there are gonna be more changes than this, but it still feels somewhat... easy. Like I cheated and took the easy road. I'll live with my parents, who will make my bed when I leave and cook my lunch when I come home. I will hang out with my high school friends who are either at the same university or in a nearby one. It'll be legal for me to go to bars I'm already going to and drink things who's taste I'm accustomed to. There is no big shock, no disorientation. There will just be me, living as a teenager in the body of an adult.
Obviously going to university is a big move up, but is my decision to stay a hole I've inadvertently dug for myself?
I know that AUB is a great university and I am confident that what I'm majoring in is perfect for me, but when I close my eyes and try to think of where I'll be in a year, I can only see myself walking the streets of Paris trying to catch a bus to go to the Sorbonne or taking the tube in London to get to Goldsmith. This drop-of-the-heart, "this is a huge mistake take me back " feeling when you've just moved in and you miss your parents like you would miss a limb. I want that. I want to grow from that. That might seem completely twisted but I genuinely think this is the only way I'll be able to fully embrace adulthood.
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